I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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