i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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