I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
