So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
