i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
