Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
