took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
