have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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