My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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