You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
