I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
