I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How does one acquire holy water?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
