tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
