Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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