i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We got so high we made milksteak
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
