did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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