What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
