How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
