I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
