Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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