you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The Olympian is in my bed
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
