we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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