: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
