So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
