All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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