she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
