I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
