i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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