omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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