I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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