so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
