Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the condom got lost in my hair
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
don't judge my taste in strippers
My ass is underappreciated
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
