Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
