I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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