she woke up with a sticky ear
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
