so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
