She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
