Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
