There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
