I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am one with the molecules
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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