I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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