There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I need moral support for this bender
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
