I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
