So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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