Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The ass gains better be worth it
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