I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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