Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
