Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
