He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Idk if I want to put a bra on
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
