Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
