Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Alive.
So much puke
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
