She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
