i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
