maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
