I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
try to milk me bitch
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