your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
