i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just puked most of my soul out..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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